Universe Guy
by trumpforpresident
Summary: Steven shows Peridot his favorite show, but things get crazy when it's actually real!


One day Steven Universe wanted to take a trip to visit his favorite Smol Dorito Mom, Peridot. So he did. "Hi Steven!" said Peridot when she saw him, "thanks for coming to visit!"

"No problem," said Steven, who as we know is a pretty nice guy. "Hi Lapis" he said but she ignored him.

"So what do you want to do today?" asked Peridot

"I brought a new show for you to try!" said Steven and he produced full DVD sets for all 14 seasons of a very special show...

"What is it?" asked Peridot, who was very skeptical because she only liked one TV show.

"It's Family Guy!" said Steven, "It's the best show ever!" Peridot didn't look convinced so Steven decided to sweeten the deal. "See this guy?" he said, pointing at one of the boxes. "That's Peter!"

"Okay let's try it" said Peridot. So they watched all fourteen seasons.

"Wow," said Peridot. "I'm glad you showed me that. I like the parts where they cut away to an unrelated gag."

"Those are called cutaway gags!" said Steven. "They're my favorite part too."

Suddenly THE OTHER CRYSTAL GEMS Pearl and Amethyst and Sapphire (Ruby died) and Jasper RAN into the barn!

"Hey guys!" said Steven. "Bad timing, we just finished watching Family Guy! If you'd been a little earlier, we could have watched some together!"

"There's no time for TV!" said Jasper. "It's a Homeworld ship!"

"What!" said Steven. "You sure 'bout that dawg?"

"Yeah," said Sapphire sadly (she was still sad about Ruby).

"I'm sorry about Ruby," said Steven. "Also, that sounds bad, we should probably go check it out."

So they all went to go check it out, except for Lapis, who'd just ignored them the whole time (someone should probably check on her that doesn't seem normal). It was a ship alright, but it sure didn't look like any ship from Homeworld. In fact, to Steven and Peridot, it looked very familiar...

"No way!" said Steven but his instincts were proven right when Peter Griffin climbed out of the ship that looked like him!

"Whoa," said Peter, "It's the Crystal Gems!" He pulled out his cell phone. "Hey Lois, you'll never guess where I am!...yeah...I can't come home, the Peter-rocket's broken!"

"We'll take you home," offered Pearl, forgetting that their spaceship had been ruined in the fatal crash that had claimed Ruby's life and rendered Amethyst mute from trauma.

"Gee thanks, that'd be great!" said Peter. "I like you guys on Steven Universe, by the way!"

"Thanks," said Peridot. "I love you on Family Guy."

But Peter wouldn't get to go home just yet because another ship landed and it was YELLOW DIAMOND!

"OH NO!" said everyone, including Lapis, who had finally noticed something and emerged from her decades-long funk to help out, but excluding Amethyst, who was still mute.

"I heard that your Ruby died so I'm here to finish the job," said Yellow Diamond. "Oh, you got a Petersite." Petersites were gems that looked like Peter. "Those are dangerous, so I'm gonna get her first."

Yellow Diamond pulled out her weapon, a spanking paddle, and moved towards Peter.

"Hehehe, this is just like that time me and Cleveland got naughty at the gym," said Peter, and suddenly, we were there. Peter and Cleveland were showering at the gym when suddenly Peter grabbed a towel and whipped Cleveland's ass with it! Cleveland retaliated, and soon they were whipping each other so much! "Hehehehe!" laughed Peter. "Hahahaha!" laughed Cleveland.

And then back to the main plot. Yellow Diamond looked pretty disturbed. "Truly, this Petersite has mastered her weapon, the dreaded Cutaway Gag. But I will still shatter her!"

"Shatter me?!" Peter was really scared because he thought she meant his nuts.

As Yellow Diamond walked towards Peter menacingly, Peridot sprung into action. "Look out, Peter!" she said and dove at Peter, tackling him out of the way...but instead...they FUSED! Into PETERDOT! Peterdot looked like Peridot but fat and four armed with Peter's face.

"Wow!" said Lapis, who was easily amazed now that she could feel again.

"Holy fuck!" said Amethyst, who could speak again.

"Aw man, I sure wish I could do that" said Sapphire and she cried really hard because she missed Ruby and Steven had to comfort her.

"Hehehe...hey Steven!" said Peterdot. "I'm Peter AND Peridot! I'm Peterdot!"

Yellow Diamond was disgusted.

"That's disgusting!" she said. "I'll shatter you for that!"

"No you won't!" said Peterdot and pulled out one of her weapons, Peridot's limb enhancers, out of her gem. She threw them at Yellow Diamond.

"Ow!" said Yellow Diamond. "That's it! I'll win with fusion too!"

"But who will you fuse with?" asked Jasper. "You're all alone."

"Not so!" said Yellow Diamond. "There's a traitor! Come fuse with me, traitor!"

It was Sapphire.

"Why?" asked Steven while crying.

"I was so sad when Ruby died but Yellow Diamond made me feel alive for the first time," she said. "I've been faking it ever since!"

"You bitch!" said Steven, who at that moment learned how to hate.

Sapphire and Yellow Diamond fused into Blue Diamond.

"Well that's a surprise," said Blue Diamond. "I guess there's two of us now."

"Aw crap!" said Peterdot. "We can't beat this!"

"Yes you can!" said Steven.

"Fuse your weapons like a good normal fusion!" said Pearl.

"Okay!" said Peterdot. "Hey, Blue Diamond!"

"WHAT!" she responded.

"This reminds me of that time I used my limb enhancers to shatter you!"

And it was so. In the cutaway, the new fusion Blue Diamond got shattered by Peterdot using her limb enhancers.

And because you can't come back from that, in the present, it was still so.

"Nice work, Peterdot!" said Jasper.

Peridot and Peter unfused and made out.

"Let's fuse forever," said Peridot.

"Okay" said Peter.

And so they did.

Steven never forgave Sapphire.

The end. 


End file.
